Activity is important

So today I had tickets to the Armed Forces Bowl game.  I was unable to use these tickets, but not for lack of trying.  It took us two hours from the time we left the house until the we finally found a parking space.  Only about 30 minutes of that was getting from the house to Ft Worth but that's beside the point.

So we finally got a parking space and we got about 500 feet from said parking space when we had to turn around and go back to the car and then head home.  Why you ask?  Well, it's because we parked about a mile from the stadium and my mother couldn't make the walk.  At barely 500 feet from the car, she was huffing and puffing and needing to stop and take a break.

Now, I'm sure you're sitting there wondering why it is I'm bringing this up and I will tell you.  My mom claims that she is in the condition she's in because she has arthritis and everything hurts and it's hard for her to walk. But the thing is, my dad also has arthritis.  The same kind of arthritis to be exact.  And he can walk miles without having any problems.  You know why that is?  Because he goes to play golf every morning.  He works at the ballpark every summer.  He actually exercises.

Ever since my mom retired several years ago, all she does is sit at home and watch TV or nap all day long.  I have been telling her repeatedly that she needs to get out and exercise.  Even just walking around the block once a day would help.  But no, she insists that sitting on her ass doing nothing all day has NOTHING to do with the fact that she can't even stand up long enough to do the dishes anymore.  It's because everything hurts.

Now, what do EVERY SINGLE arthritis commercial in existence tell you?  That keeping active is important.  Yes, they want you to take their drug to help ease the pain, but ALL of them say that you need to stay active to be able to continue to be active.  If even the drug companies are saying it, you know that it's bound to be at least a little bit true.

My mom has type 2 diabetes.  This could have been prevented with a bit of exercise and some weight loss, but she doesn't care.  She can't even walk from one side of the house to the other without being winded, which could be solved with a little bit of exercise but she doesn't care.  She just keeps sitting on her ass and expecting the problem to go away on its own, but it never will because she refuses to exercise.  And now she's gotten to the point that she can't because of the fact that when she could, she wouldn't.

This is one of the reasons that I am taking Taekwondo.  The only exercise I was getting before I started Taekwondo was at work.  Going up and down stairs, walking from my car to the apartments.  And I swear I  probably walk about 4 miles a day just going back and forth across the store.  But even I know that that isn't enough.  And eventually I might actually get to the point that I am allowed to retire and will need something to keep me active and moving.  I do NOT want to end up like my mom.  I refuse to have similar medical records.  I am going to be healthy as long as I can because I do not have the luxury of going to the doctor.  I have no health insurance and can't afford to be put on umpteen million prescriptions for problems that could be solved with diet and exercise.

So here is my challenge to you.  Stay active.  Even if it means just walking around the block once.  Or even just playing Just Dance on the Wii for half an hour a day.  Or like my dad does, go to play golf every morning.  Find something that you like to do and do it to keep yourself active.  Because if you refuse to be active while you're able, eventually you won't be able anymore.

@officialkat and @2BrokeGirls_CBS

Alright, so I feel the need to stop objectifying all the gorgeous men in Hollywood for just one minute and tell you about one of the amazingly awesome women that Cally and I love and who inspire us as well.  See?  This isn't all about great looking guys, there are some women in the world that we'd really like to be like too.

The first that I am going to mention is the amazing Kat Dennings.  Now, I first fell in love with Kat Dennings when I saw Nick and Nora's Infinite Play List.  I liked her even more when I watched Charlie Bartlett.  I mean, come on, she got to be Robert Downey Jr's daughter.  How awesome is that?!  And then, my love affair with her was complete with her role as Darcy in Thor.  And it has only deepened with her role as Max Black on CBS's 2 Broke Girls.  She says so many things that I wish I could get away with saying in my job as a delivery driver.

Kat Dennings has played a variety of characters ever since she was 12 years old. I truly believe that she's a wonderful actress.  Though she specializes in sarcastic, razor wit characters, she can do anything she wants to do.  She's just that amazing.

And I am secure enough in my sexuality to say that she has an amazing body.  One of the things that I love about her is that she's not this skinny little tooth pick that wears clothes I couldn't even dream about fitting into.  Granted, I'm sure I couldn't fit into the clothes she wears, but I can actually see myself eventually getting there if I tried hard enough.  That's all I'm saying.  And let's not forget that she has a great rack.  But that's very obviously not her best feature.  Though I'm sure most guys think it is.  She has beautiful eyes and an amazing smile and she can actually rock mustard yellow.  Not many people can.

If you haven't watched 2 Broke Girls then you are totally missing out.  If you want to have a great bit of entertainment for a while, go here http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0993507/ pick a movie and watch it.  I trust you, even the cheesy made for TV movies that she did as a kid are worth a watch.

So here's to you, awesome Kat Dennings.  You have at least two women who greatly admire you.

  

@geoffstults and the fact that I've been lazy

I know I haven't made a post lately.  There's really no excuse for it other than when I am not at work, I'm kind of lazy when it comes to posting.  And then there's the fact that I have been watching The Bourne Legacy over and over and over and over and over....you get the point.

I realized today that I haven't made a hot guy post in a while because the guys that I drew from the post aren't men that I consider to be particularly hot.  I put them on the list because my mom suggested them, I looked up their pictures and agreed at that moment.  But when it comes down to it, I really don't think they're that pretty.

And work is kind of killing my spirit.  I spend all day around pizza and wings and pasta and it makes me want to eat some of it.  The pasta isn't that bad.  I usually make it up with some chicken and mushrooms and a little bit of cheese and it's really good.  But every day I smell the bacon cooking on the pizzas.  Or the chocolate dunkers coming through the oven.  Or the cinnamon sticks.  I see the traditional wings cooking in the fryer and I just keep thinking WANT IT ALL NOW!   It's really hard to work around all this food that I used to eat all the time and resist it.  It's REALLY hard.  But so far I have managed to do exactly that.

I have been making a lot of cookies lately, using whole wheat flour and agave nectar so they are actually healthy.  I also got an agave nectar cook book, but I haven't tried any of them yet.  One of the recipes is a Margarita pie that uses actual tequila and doesn't spend enough time in the oven to cook off the alcohol, so that's pretty awesome.  Kind of want to try that.  We'll see.

So I drew two new names from the Jar of Hotness and got two guys that I think really are pretty hot.  The first guy is Geoff Stults.  Now, he's not really hot in the most traditional of ways, but I think I found him most hot as Walter Sherman on The Finder.  While I really wish that show had gotten a second season, with the death of Michael Clarke Duncan I'm glad it didn't because they would have had to do something about Leo being gone and the show wouldn't have been as good.

This is one of the times that I found him hot.  He doesn't have a six pack but he's got a nice body and Walter had this goofy, I'm crazy but in a good way kind of charm that made me want to just hug him.  

The other guy's name that I drew was Cary Grant.  Who honestly doesn't think that Cary Grant is sexy?  I think my favorite of his roles was in The Philadelphia Story.  That was a really funny movie.  The whole cast was awesome and Grant was amazing.  That's really the only one of his movies that I've seen all the way through, to be honest.  

I showed this picture to my 13 year old daughter and her response was "Oooooh wow.  Wouldn't mind seeing him shirtless."  Which amused me greatly.  

So that's my post for the week.  Two hot guys, one of which is dead, the other is on a new TV show that I don't watch.  A lot of baking and a lot of dealing with my ridiculous parents and a whole hell of a lot of hating my job.  

On the plus side, my jean jacket fits me again and I am currently wearing a juniors medium t-shirt that fits me the way an extra large used to and makes my books look HUGE!  

COOKIES!!!!!!!

And today I made the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.  Now the recipe calls for raisins, not chocolate chips, but my dad is the only one in the house that likes raisins in cookies so we substituted.  I also used whole wheat flour instead of regular all purpose flour.  They turned out AMAZING!  I love these cookies so much!

Since it's not my personal recipe.  

I didn't get a before picture of the first batch of cookies.  The recipe makes 4 dozen cookies and I stretched it to 5.  Because I am that awesome.  Although usually in my house cookie recipes yield fewer cookies because we spend more time eating the dough than putting the cookies on the tray to bake.  lol

You will note that two of the cookies are missing. lol.  HAD TO TRY THEM!  

So yeah, make these cookies and make them your own.  They're really good.  Like, really good.  

CAKE!!!!!

So yesterday, November 22nd, I made a cake.  It's a basic cake recipe using agave nectar instead of sugar as a sweetener.  This cake was so freaking moist, when I stuck the knife in it to test if it was done, I thought for sure that it was going to come out covered in batter.  And it turned out tasting SOOOO good.  Here's the recipe.  Now, I don't have Madhava organic amber agave nectar.  I have the stuff I picked up at Costco, but it works just as well.  And I used oat flour instead of wheat flour, regular all purpose flour instead of the unbleached organic white flour.  I also added 1/2 teaspoon of orange extract to the cake and it made it AMAZING!  Just saying.  

Look at this batter, isn't it pretty? 

Ready to go in the oven.

This is the final product.  

This cake is amazing and I recommend you make it.  It's very moist and very good.  I plan on making it again for sure.  Tomorrow, however, are organic oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.  Can't wait!  

The Jar of Hotness has spoken

Okay, so I feel bad because once again I have missed the hot guy post.  So I'm doing it a little early and I'm doing it for two guys yet again, just in case I miss the post this Saturday.  Now, this is going to be a picture free post because I don't feel like going through the trouble to look up, save, and upload pictures.  Though I do highly recommend you google both of these men.


Firstly we have Mr James Roday.  He's best known for playing Shawn Spencer on USA Network's Psych.  He's another one that is not hot in the traditional sense, but he just has an attitude about him that screams "I am a sex god."  Of course when he's trying to be all sexy and gorgeous he looks ridiculous.  When he's just being himself, he's very hot.  Also, thanks to a vampire themed episode of Psych, I have found that he makes a pretty damn good Lestat.  Which is sexy in and of itself.

The other hot guy is Errol Flynn.  How could anyone not think he's hot.  He's gorgeous.  He really is.  And he rocks those tights in Robin Hood.  Not many men can do that.  But, Errol was a man that knew he was hot and ran with it.  He was a lady's man and from some rumors also a man's man.  But those are rumors.  He was just all kinds of pretty.  That's all there is to it, really.

So there's your hot guys for last week and this week.  Google them.  I swear you won't regret it.


And now I say good night and have a Happy Thanksgiving.  And I hope you survive Black Friday.

Goals

I have a goal for April.  My daughter and I are going to participate in the Vampire 5K in Dallas.  It's run at night and there's fog and blood splatter areas and other mystery areas that are awesome.  There are two starting points.  One for the vampires and one for the citizens.  At one point, the two trails converge and if you're a vampire you have to try to convert the citizens by taking their flags, a la flag football.  It sounds like a whole bunch of fun and we'll get in a lot of good exercise in training for it.  Woot!

I was going to do the Big D Climb in January.  52 flights of stairs.  1040 steps.  But then, as I was walking up to a 3rd floor apartment to deliver a pizza last night, I realized I really fucking hate stairs.  They are the absolute bane of my existence.  So why in the world would I do 1040 of them VOLUNTARILY?  And, not only that, but PAY someone to do it!  So that suddenly became out of the question.

We were going to do the zombie 5K in Forney in March but it could conflict with a TKD tournament which would be bad and it was $82 per person to enter.  This one is right here in Dallas and after December 1st the entry fee goes up but is still only $50 per person.  MUCH more reasonable.

So that's my goal.  Come this April, I'm going to be a running vampire.  Woot!  

Taekwondo

Back in June I started taking Taekwondo with my daughter.  She's been doing this since 2010 and is a 4th brown.  She's 4 belt tests away from getting her black belt.  So I finally got to a point where I said "You know what, I'm going to do this." and I got out there on the floor.

It's a hard wood floor that was designed specifically for Taekwondo.  It's better than a basketball court.  I love it.  When I started this, and one of the stretches was spreading our legs as far as we could, I had a total of 22 boards between my feet.  Now, 5 months later, I am at 25 boards.  When I started, I could barely kick above my belt and now I can kick up to my head level.   As of last night I am officially a green belt.

I have competed in a total of 3 tournaments.  The first tournament I only competed in forms because I was still a gold belt at that point and I got 1st place.  Since then, I have gotten only second place, but I still have medals, so that's okay.  I'm excited that I finally have awards for something athletic and not just something academic.  It's a lot of fun, too.  Though there is a lot of hard work involved.  And I am really hard on myself.  When I mess stuff up, I hate it and I get mad at myself.  It's just the way I am.

I do plan to continue on to get my black belt.  I have a very shallow reason for that, though.  It's not for the ability to protect myself.  It's not for the exercise.  It's because when you're a black belt you can wear whatever color uniform you want to wear and I have my heart set on purple.  I know it's strange but that's my motivation   lol.

Kaitlynne and I were having some fun during the tournament back in November.  

This is Tye Travis and Caitlin Gemina.  I've been watching both of them grow up, it feels like.  I met Tye when he was a red belt and I've watched Caitlin from the very beginning.  She's very good.  

I am going to close out this blog with some pictures from the belt test last night.  My daughter was taking the pictures.  She kept messing around with the settings on my phone and I honestly yelled at her for it, especially since she had my digital camera with which to take pictures as well.  But these turned out okay.  

This is Scott Varner and me.  He'll be 50 on Monday.  He started a little bit before I did but his job hasn't allowed him to come to as many classes as I can, so we tested together last night.  And he said that he refuses to let me get ahead of him. lol. 

Epic Awesomeness

Tonight the most amazing thing happened.  I FIT INTO A SIZE 15!

That's right.  When I started this whole diet thing back in May, I was a women's size 20.  Tonight I needed some new jeans so I went to Sears.  All of the women's jeans were size 18 or bigger and I knew that was too big for me.  So I went to the juniors and I grabbed a pair of 17's.  When I tried them on, they were a little loose so I decided to give something a try.  I went and got a size 15 and they fit!  They're not even a little snug!  I am SOOOO amazed right now it's not even funny.  WOOT!

Hot guys and protein smoothies.

My job doesn't really afford me the opportunity to eat lunch.  I don't have a time that I get to sit down and have an entire meal in one sitting.  I have to take a couple of bites, then go on a delivery.  Suffice it to say, I was either not eating and drinking soda instead, or I was eating A LOT because by the time I got my second bite, the first one would be digested.  So, I solved my problem by coming up with these protein smoothies.  I can drink them in the car and they last me for at least 3 hours.  I have 1 around 1pm and 1 around 4pm and that gets me through the day.  It's great.  This is, of course, after eating breakfast.  But, it's a simple recipe. 

You'll notice some brand names in there.  I did that so you can know exactly what I use for these because it's not just any acai juice and it's not just any protein mix.  I chose these because of the extra vitamins and minerals that are in them.  I used to use Bolthouse Green Goodness, but there was stuff in there that wasn't agreeing with my system at all.  It's good if your guts can handle it, though.    

1 cup frozen sliced peaches.
1 cup frozen mango chunks
1 cup frozen pineapple chunks
1/2 cup Bolthouse 100% Carrot juice
1/2 cup Genesis Today Acai Berry Classic
2 cups apple juice
4 scoops Nature's Bounty Complete Vitamin Shake Mix.
 Throw in a blender until desired consistency.  
Approximately 315 calories per smoothie.  Makes 2  20oz smoothies.



Now, onto the hot guys.  I realized as I was getting ready to go to bed that I had promised a 2 guy hot guy post this weekend and it hadn't happened yet.  So, I reached into the jar of hotness yet again.  The names that came out were Matthew Broderick and Sean Connery.

I know why I think Connery is hot.  It's all about the accent.  And he's got a sexy swagger about him.  Even to this day, though he's 80 something years old and wears a toupee most of the time, I'd still do him.  He's just that sexy.  And I don't care what anybody says, Sean Connery was the BEST 007, hands down.

Matthew Broderick might not be hot in that traditional sense, but he is hot nonetheless.  In that adorably sexy way.  I had the biggest crush on Ferris Bueller when I was a kid.  I've seen that movie so many times I can quote most of it.  My favorite is "I quote John Lennon.  I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.  He had a good point there.  But then, he was the Walrus.  I could be the Walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off of people."  But that's beside the point.  I have seen Matthew Broderick in many things.  I think he's the sexiest in Lady Hawk.  That movie is so amazing and he is very hot.  He's also very young.  And it adds to his hotness that he can sing and dance, which I have seen thanks to Nathan Lane saying "Hey, let's work together."  Because, you know, the whole doing voices together on The Lion King worked out for them so why not, right? 

So there you have it.  There are two things I've talked about in this post.  One of them is yummy, and the other is a smoothie you can exchange for lunch on the go. ;-) 

I apologize for the lack of pictures but I am exhausted and want to get to bed.  I'll definitely have pictures for the next Hot Guy post.  I promise.  Everybody needs a little eye candy every now and then. 

Random Chicken Dish With No Name

I like to experiment in the kitchen and usually my experiments turn out pretty good.  The same can't be said about my mom, but that's beside the point.  I am also a major wimp that can't handle even regular black pepper.  Yes, I am a native Texan and I can't eat spicy food.  Go figure.  Anyway, I did an experiment in the kitchen and it turned into this chicken dish that is pretty awesome, according to some of my coworkers.  Here's what you need.

 You can customize however you like, adding peppers to desired spice level.

4 half pound chicken breast pieces.
4 cups mozzarella cheese shredded. ( divide out 1.5 cups)
2 14.5oz cans Kirkland Signature organic diced tomatoes.
3 small yellow onions chopped (or equivalent)
Juice of 2.5 limes (divide out juice of 1/2 lime)
Garlic to taste (I like a LOT of garlic)
Lawry's seasoned salt to taste.
2 avocados. 
3 tbsp flour (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Ridiculously Mild Salsa

Mix tomatoes, onions, juice of two limes, flour, garlic, and seasoned salt in frying pan.  Cook until onion is well done and juice is mostly absorbed.   The flour is optional to thicken it if you want. 

Guacamole

If you want to layer the guacamole in the dish, then go ahead and make it as the second step.  My father can't eat avocados and my daughter doesn't like them so I made the guacamole on the side.  If you are making it for on the side, do not start it until the chicken is in the oven. 

2 avocados
Juice of 1/2 lime
Garlic and seasoned salt to taste

Mix thoroughly in small bowl and set aside.

Chicken Dish

Layer 1/2 of salsa on bottom of 8x8 baking dish.

Layer 1.5 cups cheese.

Layer chicken

Layer remaining salsa.

Top with remaining cheese.

Add guacamole between chicken and top layer of salsa if desired.

Bake for 1 hour or until chicken cuts with fork.

If you put the top layer of cheese on before putting the chicken in the oven, the cheese will brown and might even look burnt.  It's not, it's very good that way, but if you prefer you can wait and put the cheese on 10 minutes before it's done.

Serve as is or over rice or bread if desired.

Feeds about 4 grown ass people.

Approximately  550 calories per serving.

For low fat or low calorie reduce cheese and avocados. 


Something else you can do with the salsa and guacamole if you have some left over.

  

Spread it over some bread.  It's yummy.  

 

Due to circumstances beyond my control the hot guy post was not put up on Saturday.  To make up for this, this Saturday will be dedicated to 2 hot guys. 

Cravings

My eating habits are kind of weird. I have certain combination cravings. Instead of just craving one food, I crave something along with whatever I'm eating. 

As long as I can remember, every time I eat Velveeta shells and cheese, I crave sweet pickles.  I never crave it with other types of mac and cheese. Only with Velveeta.  I don't know how this came about but I'm sure my mom is responsible.

Every time I have rotisserie chicken, I have to have salad with it.  The Market Fresh premixed salad from Walmart to be specific. Along with raspberry vinaigrette dressing, though it used to be Hidden Valley Ranch. My tastes have changed a little bit. 

Lately my craving has included Einstein Brothers fresh squeezed orange juice along side my honey whole wheat bagel with peanut butter.    It's only when I have it with peanut butter that I crave the orange juice.  I really don't get it.

Those are the only combination cravings I can recall at this time. I think it's funny that it happens that way. 

The Jar of Hotness has Spoken

Once a week we will dedicate a post to one of the men that inspire us. Even though some of them are happily married, some of them are gay, and some of them are no longer living, but their extreme hotness, total crushability, or complete adorableness inspire us to be become better versions of ourselves.


This week, the name given to us by the Jar of Hotness was Mr. Tom Cruise


Now, I know that Tom's gone a little crazy the last few years but you can't deny the fact that he is freaking gorgeous. The only time I've ever seen him not be hot was playing Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder. And it took a fat suit and bald cap to make him unattractive to me. I'm just saying.

Tom Cruise has been in so many movies. The first movie I remember seeing him in was actually the first movie he ever did. It was a film called Legend and it was a fantastic movie. He was wonderful and Tim Curry played the devil and it was an all around awesome movie. Since then Tom has done SO many movies. Cocktail, Risky Business, Top Gun, all four Mission Impossible movies, with a 5th one on the way. Born on the 4th of July (which my brother was in, by the way), Far and Away, Days of Thunder, A Few Good Men, Jerry McGuire and so many more.


It's safe to say that I have had at least a minor crush on Tom for nearly 30 years and I am 34 years old. About the time I stopped thinking boys were icky, I discovered Tom Cruise. Even being a little off his rocker as of late, he's gorgeous. He's on the crazy/hot scale that's for damn sure, but I will never stop loving him in some way or another. I have yet to see a movie with Tom Cruise in it that I did not at least mildly enjoy.


And let's not forget about him as Lestat. When he played a REAL vampire instead of a sparkly, tree flying pseudo vampire. Tom did such an amazing job as Lestat and I love watching that movie, even though it is quite a bit different from the books.


So there you have it. The hot guy of the week is Tom Cruise. Tune in next week to see who we have next. WE won't even know who it is until Saturday morning. Maybe late Friday night. :-) And I apologize for not being able to get the pictures all in a row. I'm rubbish with anything but simple HTML. If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment. Thanks.

Dreams

First of all, woot to blogger.com for having a mobile app. My phone doesn't like the website. This makes things easier. 

Last night I had this dream that all of my belly fat just disappeared like in that Nationwide Insurance Commercial.  I wish they could do that because I have insurance with them.  My hips have lost at least another inch but my gut is still there. 

I need to either start going to the gym more or start doing the fitness games I have for Wii more.  And I need to get off work in time to make it to Taekwondo more than once or twice a week.  I also need to keep better track of my calories. I know last night my dinner of meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and butter covered broccoli wasn't exactly on the low end of the calorie scale. 

I need to stop being lazy and get off my ass and really work at this.  Ugh. 

Hot Guys

I have to admit that feeling better about myself isn't the only reason that I am trying to get thin. Being healthy isn't the only reason either. I am trying to get thin and feel like I'm gorgeous for one very specific reason.

JEREMY RENNER IS STILL SINGLE!

Yes, I know I have very little chance of actually even meeting the man, let alone having him fall in love with me, but it's nice to have something to aim for, right?

Now, once a week on this blog, on Saturdays, Cally and I will be making a post dedicated to one of the very hot guys that have been inspiring us to get thin and beautiful. We have a very long list of names and rather than do our favorites first and the others later, I have taken these names and put them into what I call the JAR OF HOTNESS to be drawn at random.

The list is long enough we might end up doing this more than once a week but I don't know. It might get a little redundant because each post will be headed with our "once a week" explanation. Of course, if we didn't have a list and didn't draw names at random, pretty much every week would be dedicated to the awesome gorgeousness that is Jeremy Renner.



Just saying.



Becca

Okay, so this is the first official post of The Fat Plan. We wanted to go with 2 Fat Girls but it was taken already.

Cally and I started our dieting back in May of this year. She started a week before I did, but she talked me into it. Because of my job, I don't really get a chance to eat lunch and I was drinking soda to make up for it. The carbonated water kept me feeling full and the calories kept me going. The problem is, I was going through about a gallon of soda a day. Then I would top it off at night with about half a gallon of sweet tea. With that, and the way I was eating, I was consuming about 5000 calories a day and I was not burning off that much. I was 220 pounds, at least. Maybe 225. On May 10, 2012 I had my last soda and sweet tea. I drink water, gator ade, and unsweet tea now. I started taking home made protein smoothies to work with me so that I can drink them in the car if necessary. I'm still having a problem with the way I eat at home, but I'll get into that another time.

Right now, we're going to talk about self image. Since May, I've only lost 20lbs but I've lost 6 inches. I had to buy men's pants because I can't find women's cargo pants that I can actually wear to work and I need cargo pants for work. I have gone from a 40 to a 34. My mom keeps talking about how skinny I've gotten. The thing is, I don't feel like I've gotten skinny. I only went from a 18 to a 16 in women's jeans. I still feel fat.

This is a picture of me in my Halloween costume. This picture was taken three or four days ago. This is my current physique. My mom tells me that I look skinny. Cally tells me that I look skinny. I don't feel skinny.

This is what I feel like I look like. I see myself in that picture and this is what I see. I look in the mirror and this is what I see. Even putting on the smaller sized clothes, I feel like I'm still fat and gross. This is what I'm having to deal with on a daily basis. I've spent so much time hating myself that I don't know how to do anything else. I keep telling myself that I'm awesome and pretty but it doesn't sink in. I keep seeing the person that I've hated all my life. When even your siblings call you fat and ugly, it's hard to think anything else.





That is why I am doing this. Because I am tired of looking at myself and hating what I see. I'm tired of wishing I was someone else. And I'm tired of thinking that no man will ever want to be with me. I want to finally feel good about myself.